SEC Banter: Overheard and Overserved at a Member-Member
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ATLANTA, GA - The Capital City Club’s annual Member-Member golf tournament, known as the “Two-Man Championship,” tees off this Friday in Atlanta, Georgia. The South’s longest-running country club golf tournament tests competitors’ mettle over two grueling days on the club’s two fine golf courses, Brookhaven and Crabapple.
To the winning team goes glory, some unofficial walkin’ round money and, most significantly, a place in the Club’s illustrious golf history.
Having had the good fortune to participate in a few member-members, I know firsthand there are a few things you can count on:
97% humidity. 92 degree temperatures. Cold beverages to combat the oppressive heat. And the most well-run, finely executed tournament thanks to CCC’s dedicated professional golf staff.
Oh, and BS. Lots of it.
Based on observation over the years, SEC Banter presents “Overheard and Overserved at a Member-Member” — or statements you’ve either heard or perhaps even uttered yourself during the tournament.
[Peruses flights/pairings] “I know one guy in our flight. Confirmed douche.”
“Dude, turn that shit down.”
“Dude, turn that shit up!”
“We’re here to have fun; if we do well, that’s great.”
“Anyone who says they’re just here to have fun is full of shit.”
“Let’s make ’em putt everything out.”
[In reference to opponent] “I think this guy recently had to stop drinking. Quick, honcho him a Texas margarita.”
“10 index my ass.”
“Did you see that bullshit?”
[Your opponent, a 15 handy on the first tee] “I couldn’t putt to save my life yesterday.” [Sinks every goddamn putt in the match]
[Same guy, 15 handy] “I haven’t played Crabapple since summer of 2015.” [Shoots a fucking 38]
“Look out when you play [certain group in flight]. Those guys could suck the fun out of a circus.”
[Partner 1 to Partner 2] “I heard these guys like to play really fast.”
[Partner 2] “Then I’m ’bout to set the record for longest 9 holes ever played.”
“They should have a separate member-member for the old farts who aren’t any fun.”
“They should have a separate member-member for the young a-holes who just want to party.”
“How the hell are you getting up to Crabapple tomorrow?”
[Partner 1 to Partner 2] “Toldja not to check yer phone.”
[Partner 2] “Dude, you know Amy’s 8 months pregnant.”
[Partner 1] “What I know is you’re 220 out after that dog shit drive.”
[Partner 2] “You’re an asshole.”
“Beer’s not doing it for me. Hold on while I run in to see Joel.”
[Partner 1 is playing awful, is in a worse mood, and just whiffed an uphill 3-footer to lose the hole]
[Partner 2, in an overly-chipper, optimistic tone] “That’s okay podnuh! You got this!”
[Partner 1 duck hooks his drive so far into the woods it’s in Little Red Riding Hood territory]
[Partner 2] “It’s all good, pal, you got this!”
[Partner 1 hopelessly tops his next shot and says to Partner 2] “If I hear ‘You Got This!’ one more time I’m walking off the fucking course.”
I sincerely hope you enjoy the Two-Man Championship. Have fun. Compete. Engage in some banter. Do your best.
But most of all, have fun.
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